We're Not Curing Cancer

There have been two statements that have been floating around in my head lately.  The first I read while caught without any reading material on my way to Seattle for a business trip.  I picked up United's Hemisphere magazine and saw Allen Gingsberg's Howl quote rewritten as "The best minds of my generation are thinking about how to get people to click ads."  Later, as I was grabbing drinks with coworkers, one of them mentioned a speech given by a senior executive of our company, "we're not curing cancer."  She liked to hear that because to her it put the work we were doing in perspective, because often (ok, all the time) we are under a lot of pressure to perform and as a result we get caught up in our work, but to me it was a reminder that the work I am doing, well, isn't curing cancer.

Now, I'm not saying it's my goal in life to cure cancer, but it was a hard reminder that since I was little I had always wanted to do something meaningful with my life.  How I ended up so far from what I wanted to do is another story, but this was a reminder of the distance between where I am and where I want to be. 

Visas For Love

After yet another long week of work, including a quick overnight business trip in Seattle, I arrived home, turned on the televison and saw a commercial for this movie.

Talk about hitting home.  I've been in a long distance relationship (a short survey of the diners at my client dinner last night concluded that it's become quite the norm), but what makes it especially hard is I'm dating a non-American.  In all other respects this is great, I love it, but when it comes to both of us trying to settle down together in either the States or Italy, it becomes a point of strain.  We've decided to settle here in the States, and we thought the fact that I live in the Silicon Valley would make finding a job for him as a Software Engineer easy (well, easier), but so far that's not the case.  Since the  H1-B visa route has been difficult to make happen, instead he's flown here a number of times and I've been to Italy to visit him as well, each time it's a sweet month of being together, but each time we are together we know in the end we'll break each others hearts when it comes time to say goodbye.  Sadly, though international relationships are becoming more common, immigration laws haven't caught up.

We've discussed the marriage route, and though our relationship is heading in that direction, the idea of expediting our plans for the sake of a visa cheapens the idea of marriage to both of us.  We both hold the idea of marriage sacred.  Even while we looked into what is needed for a fiance visa and the whole process of getting to live in the same country, it takes away the romance of getting married. 

While we are both tired of always missing each other, for the time being, we'll just have to continue being THAT couple at the airport, the one that holds each other until the last minute and mouthing "I love you" while waiting in the security line.  We get the looks every time, mostly people smiling with amusement, love always makes people smile. 

Panasonic Lumix G 20mm f/1.7

After playing with my Olympus e-pl2 for a few months, I finally pulled the trigger and purchased the Panasonic Lumix G 20mm f/1.7 lens.  From what I've seen, it is the perfect prime lens for the micro 4/3 camera system.  So far from my experience, I have no regrets selling the Canon Rebel XSi for the micro 4/3.  When I did have my dslr camera, I never took it out with me, never.  The size and weight of that camera defeated the whole purpose of having a camera, to take pictures!

I'm quite satisfied with the photos I've been taking so far (still learning about photography) and now it's time to upgrade my equipment as well.  I can't wait until it arrives.  Where to go this weekend to test out my new lens? :)

Life Stages

This past week I was in Portland, OR for a work training.  Never mind the fact that I've already thrown myself into the systems at my new office and navigated my way around various departments in the organization, I wasn't about to say no to a trip, even if it's only an hour and a half flight from San Francisco.

The training itself was dull.  After already working on my accounts, I was hoping for answers to "why" versus, "how", but the training focused on the latter, which was what I expected.  So instead I used my time to focus on more interesting things, including seeing my cousin and her adorable baby girl, Talia.  I quickly found no interest in the other people in my training, and for once didn't care about wanting to be included.  I knew I didn't have much to contribute to conversations about pregnant beauty queens, celebrities, and servers with Italian accents (I laughed about that later with my boyfriend), and I knew my conversation about trekking, diving, Palestine's bid for statehood, the goal of Occupy Wallstreet, etc were of no interest to them.  Luckily, my cousin and her husband were able to satisfy those topics of interest.  What I realized later, since it actually became the theme of my trip (for some reason themes naturally become part of my trips), was we were in different life stages.

My cousin and her husband did their best to try and convince me to move to Portland, and the thought has more than lingered on my mind.  Had I been 22 just starting to navigate my way and hoping to be out 4-5 nights a week to check out the latest hot spots, Portland would never have appealed to me, but I realized, after doing all that at 22, I now want a lifestyle that is more family and community focused.   I have my goals in mind and I'm wondering if a move is a possible next step...

Just a few photos of Portland, and two of little Talia:

Ah Ha!

I was reminded Friday why I left advertising in the first place.  All romantic ideas of perhaps it'll be different this time went out the window (thankfully!) .  I spent this weekend reflecting.  On Friday I found out another person I once knew passed away recently.  He ran a website in Shanghai that lead me to discover the expat scene there while on vacation, which in turn made me want to move there.  Once in Shanghai, his events helped me get used to a new country and make friends who've impacted my life so much.  I thought about all the people who have passed away since summer and I realized there is something they all had in common...they were all people who lived great lives. 

My grand uncle and aunt were good people.  They loved their family and friends, and were always willing to help others, they saw even the smallest things in life as something to celebrate.  The former ambassador lived a full life serving our country and became a trusted resource for a number of presidents.  When he retired he enjoyed life, traveled and volunteered, anything to be around people and enrich their lives.  The entrepreneur, he created a resource that many first timers in Shanghai depended on.  His twice a week events were a slice of reassurance and comfort in a place where everything was new and thus more difficult. Many expats in Shanghai have him to thank for finding their footing.

And so I thought.  And I thought some more.  I know what I want long term (not giving up on that Foreign Service Officer dream), but what else do I want to do?  I know I am currently applying to a graduate program that, in itself is very exciting, but I thought about what I would do after the program, and I am a bit stumped. 

And then it hit me.

It was so simple, so obvious, but it makes the absolute most sense for me.  So now I am really excited.  I haven't exactly written off the global affairs program, but now there's more for me to research and discover.  Could this almost two year long search for a new career finally be coming to an end?

I think so. :)

Finding Joy In The Un-Cosmopolitan

Last night I went bowling.  It has been years since I’ve found myself in a bowling alley and it was actually quite fun.  It was Daniele’s idea, I told him to think of somewhere to go once I returned home from work.  Part of the fun of dating someone from another culture is he makes culturally normal things to me new and exciting again.  Being able to show him different aspects of American, Chinese, and Chinese American culture helps me differentiate between those three identities I grew up with.  On the other side, learning about Italian culture and gaining a world view from a European perspective has been enlightening, and discovering much of what I grew up relating with Italian culture is more precisely aligned with Italian American culture.

On the way home I told him I was surprised how much fun bowling was.  Yes, we were both terrible, but being away from something for so long and then returning to find it fun again has been a theme with Daniele’s current visit.  The other day I was saying how in some ways I want to move somewhere not quite as cosmopolitan as San Francisco.  In theory it should be wonderful to be able to have so many options and variety in food as we do in California, in any given day I can have congee for breakfast, have a spicy Mexican hot chocolate on my way into work, have Burmese tea salad and noodles for lunch, and tapas for dinner.  With that said, I would love to live somewhere with just good regional food.  I’d be quite happy having Ethiopian dishes throughout my day, because it would bring back some of the joy that gets lost when you are surrounded by options.  I remember my 24^th birthday in Shanghai.  I commented to a friend how I was craving avocados and she mentioned it was scarce to find in Shanghai, but on the night of celebration #3, my friend hosted a dinner party and surprised me with guacamole made from scratch.  Right now I can get avocado in just about anything I want, but during that birthday, avocados tasted extra delicious to me.   

Updates

Hi folks.  So there have been a lot of changes going on right now.  I started a new job, one very similar to what I had been doing before, but this time out of necessity (a means to an end) and a clear path in mind.  I am finishing up my application for graduate school and I am really excited about the prospect of going back to school and really cementing a career change.  I’m hoping taking these concrete steps will take me out of this funk I’ve been in, and therefore release me from this prolonged writer’s block I’ve been suffering.  I have to admit, I really miss writing.  Ever since I was a little girl I loved to write, probably a result of my love for reading.  I know my skills are a bit rusty from lack of practice, but as I sit and write my personal statement for my application, I feel happy to put fingers to keyboard to type something out that isn’t an email,  work related, or a search query.  First loves are hard to ignore.

As I start the daily commute to work, I can’t help but take notice of the march of black, white, and gray clad workers as they trudge to their respective offices. It really feels like a daily migration of wild animals instinctively following  some agreed upon ideals to follow cycle.  It has been a hard transition back into this world.  As with the last time I left and returned, I’ve found everything virtually unchanged and easy to navigate.  The office environment is pretty much universal among most companies.   

I just need to stay focused, finish up my application and wait for good news.